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This letter is for Yadira Gonzalez

<--- who grew up here.

This letter is for my best friend.

This letter is for the most beautiful woman in the world.

This letter is for the person who makes me believe in myself.

This letter is for my zombie apocalypse partner.

This letter is for a wonderful sister.

This letter is for a loving daughter.

This letter is for my closest companion on earth.

This letter is for someone who loves learning, growing, adventuring, who loves staying in, relaxing, and soaking in the day.

This letter sounds really corny honestly.

But Yadira I feel the need to let you know how I feel.

I love you more than I have ever loved anyone!

Happy birthday, Yadira, you are 22 :)

I'm so proud of you and I have so much to say. But it's hard. I often find my anxiety, fear, or frustration can lead me, instead of my love. That's the last thing that I want, most of all with you. Because you are easily the most special person that I know.

You are precious. You make me feel like life is possible, like life is 3D, you make me excited to live. And I think it's because of who you are. I think you're the most interesting person.

I think you're 3D. I think you are walking, talking, breathing art. I think that you're fascinating, incredibly complex, someone beyond special. I wish I could help you understand how I see you. I wish these words felt like enough. I wish they were enough. I want to make art for you so you know how loved you are.

I wish you saw how beautiful you are. I wish you saw how far you've come. I wish you knew that you are a work of art indeed. I wish you knew that every little facet of your personality is beautiful to me. I wish I could say everything. Yadi it's so hard to explain, so I will give up trying to make sense and just say things

You are like flower petals. You are layered one atop the other, spiraling. All of your interests, memories, dreams, hopes, secrets, each a flower petal, spiraling, layered, to be discovered and nurtured. In moments with you I feel space and time warp as my attention is pulled towards you. You are the best body of art ever bound together. Each action of yours, the words you choose, your reactions, your emotions, your tells and shows, I can't help but be obsessed with them, pulled in, interested as to how each moment plays out with you. It's why you're my favorite person. It's why I look to see how you react in any situation, with any group. 

You're the best person ever to spend time with. It feels like you and me against the world. My favorite thing is driving around with you, discovering the world, the hidden gems, eating, listening to music, just you and me. I wouldn't ever want that with anyone else. I can't believe how well you understand me.

I'm sorry for how much we fight. All I want in this world is to hold you close and make you feel loved. I try to work hard for you and provide for you, but I don't just want that. I want to stare deep into your eyes and know you, and be known by you. Have something special. I want to be enough for you, to make you happy. I often have fear that what I do isn't enough. I fear I made this website too late, that I'm typing too incoherently, that it won't make your day any better, that you won't see how loved you are.

So know this:

You change the way I see the world.

You remind me of summer, warm, sometimes sticky days with you, the sun shining until it doesn't and the world grows cool, exploring the whole world in whatever car we're in.

You are fall incarnate, the homely smell of a candle burning, I'm close with you, watching something with you, holding you close, crying with you.

You are winter, like every time I tell you how to drive around a corner when it's icy, like everytime I walk with you in the snow and bright, like when I proposed to you, like the strong but gentle smiles you have that light up the moment.

Every time I see you is spring, the world opening again, rain and mist that you love, flowers blooming, windy walks with you.

You define the way I feel about the world. If I want to know joy I want to know it with you. If I know pain I want you to be with me.

When I hear a song that moves me I want you to know.

I think that says a lot.

I wish you saw how beautiful you are.

I wish you could slow down and breathe.

I'm scared you'll sink under the stress.

I try to lift you up because I love you, but I can't force it. But maybe I could be doing more.

I wish you saw in the mirror, in your reflection what I see when I look at you. Your proud, arched, broad, dark eyebrows. Your gentle, deep eyes, which don't stare holes into you but go miles deep. Your soft lips. Your perfectly proportioned nose. Your complexion you inhereted from your dad. I wish you saw how much it means. How beautiful it is. I'm supposed to be telling you happy birthday and I'm telling you what I want from you.

I'm sorry.

How can I not?

How can I not ask so much from you? You have to take care of the one I love most. You're with yourself all the time, always there. Be gentle with her, love her. Love her better than me, please.

Yadira, you are without a doubt the most beautiful, complex, rich person I know.

Thank you for letting me know you.

I am so lucky.

I'm so proud of you.

For coming so far.

For growing up.

For becoming who you want to become.

For facing your past and your future.

For chasing your dreams.

For going beyond Cicero.

For exploring the world.

For crossing cultural lines, national boundaries, crossing the divide of your fears and challenges.

I'm so proud of you for growing in faith.

For loving.

For meaning what you say.

For wanting more.

For learning.

You're the most loving supportive person to me.

You're an inspiration for your younger sisters.

A rock for your mom.

A gift to my family.

A joy to your dad.

Everything to me.

I pray that you're filled with life and love from Jesus.

I hope you have the most wonderful birthday today. I hope you like the flowers. I hope this makes your day better. I hope you feel loved.

We're getting older but I'm gonna stick with you until I'm decomposed. Then I'm gonna sit next to you in Heaven. You're the one for me and I'm not going anywhere. Thank you for letting me.

Happy 22nd Birthday